The Uh-Oh Feeling

The Uh-Oh Feeling Fairytale Aceos by thepoppytree. All these ladies could have seriously benefited from knowing about The Uh-Oh Feeling, thats for sure! Back in the ‘80s, Stranger Danger was all the rage. And by “the rage” I mean “the fear”, as living in the suburbs and being under the age of 10 made you a prime target for creepy people who drove windowless vans and lured you away from the playground with promises of candy. Gone were the tights and barrettes and shirts with your name (yes, I had all of these), much to the chagrin of the ladies in the flea market who made their living with personalizing plastic bins and cassette tape holders and anything they can get their paint pens near.   See, if you were under 10 and wearing something with your name on it, a grown-up could read it and use it to trick you into thinking they know you, and so you’d be lured into their windowless van even without the temptation of candy. So not good. Because of that, my parents taught my younger brother and I all about The Uh-Oh Feeling: that sensation you get in your gut when you know something’s wrong, even if you can’t figure out exactly what it is. They basically told us not to stick around long enough to try to figure it out â€" if something feels wrong, then it is wrong, and we needed to get the heck out of there as quickly as possible and tell them about it. This went not only for strangers, but for anyone (teachers, coaches, friend’s parents, etc) that gave us The Uh-Oh Feeling. The Uh-Oh Feeling had no boundaries, no limits, no rules. It just was. It took me almost 25 years to find out that nobody else knew about The Uh-Oh Feeling, which absolutely floored me. Like Stranger Danger, I thought it was something every kid under the age of 10 who lived in the suburbs learned in the ‘80s. I started talking about it to my friends like they knew what it was, and each of them asked for clarification. I realized that my parents essentially made it up, which surprised the crapballs out of me. It was so basic â€" enough for a 6 year old to understand â€" yet so powerful. Throughout my life, but especially into my adulthood, I was always aware when The Uh-Oh Feeling would rear it’s ugly head and I always removed myself from the situation without rhyme or reason.   I didn’t need it. The Uh-Oh Feeling was reason enough. As you can imagine, I’ve started to tune back into The Uh-Oh Feeling now that I’m an entrepreneur. While usually not a feeling anymore that I might be in danger, I know to be aware of it because something’s just not right.   I use it to decide what I’m saying “yes” or “no” to, when I feel OK with making an exception or when I want to uphold the rules, when I take two steps forward or two steps back, when it’s OK to quote Paula Abdul…really, it can apply to almost anything. So, how can you tap into The Uh-Oh Feeling? Notice what your body does when you feel threatened or scared, and learn to look for it. For me, my stomach turns into a knot. For you, it might be shaky hands or an urge to whistle a happy tune like Miss Anna in The King I.   Now, I’m aware of what my stomach feels like when I have to make a decision. If there’s anything topsy-turvy about it, I usually buy some time for myself or beg off to whatever’s being asked. For me, that’s the sign that it’s not quite right. Take what your brain is saying with a grain of salt. Your brain really, really wants you to make the logical decision, and that ain’t a bad thing â€" except   when the opportunity is good on paper, but emotionally the timing is wrong, or it’s not aligned with what you really want for yourself, or the person that’s making the offer never seems to bathe. For example, I got offered my dream role of Adelaide in “Guys Dolls” at a regional theater in Florida years ago. I was thrilled about it, but my boyfriend at the time wasn’t. When I heard his disapproval, I thought about all the money I was making as a real estate agent, and how I was too young for the part I’d have plenty of time to play it, and that it wouldn’t matter on my resume because I was too young for it nobody would take it seriously, and how the theater wasn’t good because it was in a strip mall, yada yada yada and…I turned it down, which was the “right” thing to do, logically. But I†™ve found that when my brain wins out over my stomach, I usually regret it in the long run. I really, really wanted to do that part, and my stomach knots were nowhere in sight. And yes, I still dream of singing “Adelaide’s Lament” eight times a week for an audience, and am kicking myself that I didn’t go for it when I had the chance. I regret it, and thats a powerful word. Be very still in a quiet space. Close your eyes and think about the decision you have to make. Let yourself visualize each possible outcome, paying attention mostly to how you feel while walking yourself through it. When you see yourself working on that project, do you feel excited? Challenged? Thrilled? Passionate? Bored? Procrastinatory (I love that made-up word!)? Full of dread? Obviously, The Uh-Oh Feeling comes with the negative emotions, but are more than the Vampires that are just there to get you off-course from your dreams tell you how much you stink. The Uh-Oh Feeling is there on a gut level, and while you might not know why it doesn’t feel right, you know it’s not coming solely from a place of fear â€" it’s coming from a valid reason as to why it’s not good for you. Don’t look for justifications. You really don’t owe them to anyone, even yourself. Sometimes something isn’t right just because it’s just not right, and that’s OK. If you feel that you’d be better off taking a pass for any reason or for no reason, then don’t rake yourself over the coals because of it. Be your own best friend and be OK with leaving it at The Uh-Oh Feeling. That alone is justification enough. Sometimes I picture The Uh-Oh Feeling like a friendly monster, waiting to tell me when I need to change course or keep myself safe or just when something is simply not right. She’s big and furry and orange so I always see her, and she speaks in a loud but sweet and caring voice, letting me know it’s OK not to know and just do it anyways. Feel free to befriend her in your own way, for your own choices or sketchy situations, no matter the people you’re with or place you’re at or the offer that’s on the table. The Uh-Oh Feeling is there as your guide â€" just make sure that you’re listening. And dont go into any windowless vans for whatever reason. Thats just dumb.